This story is rated PG.
There is some content not for younger beings; however, there is nothing they would not say on Total Drama.
After recieving a request from the network to create four more seasons of Total Drama, Chris McLean gathered up Chef Hatchet and his new protege/intern (we'll just call him Don) and together, they came up with the most unusual season in Total Drama history...

Taking twenty-two of the most popular children's book series characters and pitting them for a shot for $1,000,000; not to mention going back to Pahkitew Island, with nothing but the clothes off their backs. (And the confessional outhouse, obviously)

Who will crumble under the pressure, who will roll through without trouble and most importantly; whose the moron who switched the coffee with the swamp water?!

Find out all those questions, (except for that last one) on Total....Drama....By the Book!

Written by Russelrules44


The Superb Story Tellers

Nikki Maxwell (Dork Diaries)

MacKenzie Hollister (Dork Diaries)

Brandon Roberts (Dork Diaries)

Ms. Frizzle (The Magic Schoolbus)

Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)

Rowley Jefferson (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)

Felicia Furrypaws (Babymouse Series)

Nate Wright (Big Nate)

Gina Hemphill Toms (Big Nate)

Brother Bear (The Berenstain Bears)

Jack Paigeturner (The Magic Treehouse)

The Illuminating Illustrators

George Beard (Captain Underpants)

Harold Hutchins (Captain Underpants)

Teddy Ortiz (Big Nate)

Chloe Garcia (Dork Diaries)

Zoey Franklin (Dork Diaries)

Babymouse (Note the name)

Wilson Weasel (Babymouse)

Captain Underpants (Note the name)

Annie Paigeturner (The Magic Treehouse)

Sister Bear (The Berenstain Bears)

Hank the Cowdog (Note the name)

Episode 1: Once Upon a Total Drama​ (Part 1)

A blimp flew past the blue sky, preparing to land on a familiar island that they had discovered last season. Inside, a middle aged man, his slightly more talented (and scared out of his mind) protege and a former war general and chef are about to start another round of Total Drama.

"Ok, I know you may be new to this; seeing as this IS your first season on Total Drama..." Chris started, "But try not to embarass yourself like what happened with that home-schooled weirdo/freak/feral/whatever else you can come up with!"

The twenty something looked down at the dangerous island that was last season's explosive location. Just the thought of it made him sick. "Uh, Chris," He asked. "Are you sure this is safe?"

"Safe?" Chris laughed. "Are you kidding? Only wimps need safety, that's what Chef taught me!"

The new guy (who by now  was probably regretting his choice of job) glanced at Chef, Chef shrugged. "Everyone's got a price to pay" That did nothing to calm his senses. And it was only made worse when......

"Alright dweebs!" Chris called out, getting out the parachutes. "If you're ready to start another season of Total Drama, jump on the count of three!" Chef and the other guy caught their parachutes, about to face either their doom or a relatively safe (and boring) landing.

"Good luck out there new meat" Chef pat the new guy on the back as he prepared to jump off from the blimp to the ocean of Pahkitew Island. "One...." Chris started, the rookie could feel his heart pumping faster with every growing second.

"Two...." Chris opened the door and was about to go for it, the scared man knew that it was only a matter of time before Chris would pull the trigger and his life would be over.

"Three!" Chris shouted as he and Chef jumped. Knowing that it was time to meet his fate, He ran to the door and leaped for his life. Screaming as loud as he possibly could.

Ten minutes later....

The obviously petrified newcomer laid lifeless on the warm sand, being pulled up by Chris and Chef. "I told you we should have used a helicopter" Chef told him, Chris scoffed. "And start a new season of Total Drama with a whimper?

Chris looked down at his unconsious protege at decided to see if he could wake him up from his watered slumber. "Hey Don, you alive in there?" He asked as he lightly put his right foot to see if he could get some air in Don.

After a few tries, Don wearily opened his eyes to see if he had either somehow survived from almost drowning; or if he had gone and reached heaven.

Rest assured, even though the picture his eyes were showing him was a bit blurry at first: It was indeed Chris McLean and Chef Hatchet.

"Wha?" His voice was still wobbly, most likely due to water congestion. "What happened?" "You fell in the water and started screaming about not being able to swim" Chris explained. "Had to pull you out the moment we couldn't see your body"

Almost certain that he was fired, Don groaned and got himself up. "I'm so sorry Chris. I'm just not-"

But before he could finish his apology, Don was interrupted. "Dude, trust me." Chris started, "I'm pretty sure ninety percent of people don't know how to swim"

"That's why you get stunt doubles, fool!" Chef moaned, embarrassed for his boss's lack of understanding safety. Chris rolled his eyes, frustrated.

Fearing the worst possible situation, Don tried to say something; but before any noise could come out, Chef shut him up and said with a huff.

"You just go dry off and get ready" Don abided and walked off to get dried, as he walked to the outhouse: he thought to himself. "What a strange bunch of people...."

"Three, two and you're on!" The cameraman signaled as Chris finished his mocca. "Man, that is some good mocca." He mumbled to himself as he put on his cheesy smile.

"Last season on Total Drama, We sent fourteen new teens on a explosive journey for $1,000,000. Some gave it their all, while others crashed and burned. But in the end, it was Shawn who ended up prevailing and winning the ultimate prize. Now you might be yelling to your TV set that this place looks familar; well.....that's because it is!"

The camera panned over the island that once stood for explosion and death. Feeling like a proud papa, Chris proclaimed and I quote.

"That's right! By popular demand, we're back here at Pahkitew Island for another round of drama! And this time, we're taking twenty-two brand new contestants on the hunt for one million dollars! The catch? Each and every contestant is a part of their own book series for teens, also by popular demand! So, grab your favorite pretzel bag and prepare to get down and dirty. This, is Total.....Drama......By the Book!"

  • Cue intro*

After the intro had passed them by, Chris welcomed the viewers back to Total Drama By the Book; where the first contestants were just about to arrive. “We told them that they’d be staying in this five star mansion. So before you ask, yes; they got jipped"

The first boat arrived as if on cue as a spikey-haired pre-teen wearing a yellow and blue shirt jumped off, running to the dock.

"Nate, welcome! You’re the first one here!” Chris exclaimed.

Mistakenly believing the wrong thing, Nate went into celebration mode. “I won?, Well; that was fast! Alright Chris, hand over the money.”

Chris looked at him as if he was the new Lindsay. “Uh, dude? You still have to compete here for eight weeks” He showed him where Nate was going to stay for the next eight weeks. Immediately his spirits went down.

“Well, this sucks…” He mumbled to himself, and he got all his bags and walked next to Chris. “Let me know when the ladies get here."

“I will” Chris winked at him, as the next boat came to the dock. A small cat with preppy clothes came out from it.

“Felicia! What’s up?” Felicia scowled at the host and then looked at her new home for the next eight weeks.

"Is this seriously where we’re staying at?” Felicia asked Chris. And to that, he simply replied. “No, it’s where YOU’RE staying at”

Felicia rolled her eyes, knowing that this was probably going to suck. Hard, she walked next to dock where Nate was.

Knowing that this was his first chance to make a move onto anyone, he started to say one of his cheesy pickup lines….

"Listen nerd-wad.” Felicia snapped as she grabbed his throat. “If you want any of your nine lines to be left intact, you won’t say a thing to me. Got it?” Nate nodded, hoping that she would save him some air left into him.

And that’s exactly what she did. Wincing in pain, Nate rubbed his throat and said to himself. *This is why I hate cats….*

Another boat came onto the dock as a brown haired, normal girl stayed on their, nervous of what to expect. “Nikki, getting off anytime soon?” Chris asked, impatient as Homer Simpson waiting in line for some Duffs Beer.

“Uh, are you sure this is where we’re supposed to staying at?” Nikki asked him. “Well, yes. Yes it is!” Chris told her.

Nikki took a glance at the island of explosion and shrugged. She walked onto the dock next to Nate; he waved back at her, hoping for the best. She waved back too, although it seemed more like a friendly wave than a girlfriend material wave.....

That peace wouldn’t last long though as soon, the fourth boat arrived with frizzy hair and dress showcasing all the adventurous things she would be able to do at Pakhitew Island.

“Next one up, Ms. Frizzle!” Chris introduced, “Well i’ll be” The teacher began, “This look like the beginning of another wonderful adventure! Oh I wish Liz were here to see this."

“Uh, excuse me? Ms. Frizzle is it?” Nikki asked, “I really don’t want to be rude, but; who exactly is Liz?”

“Oh, she’s only the school’s pet lizard. Wonderful person to meet, you should come over someday.”" Ms. Frizzle smiled.

Nikki smiled back, knowing that at least there was one person here she could call a friend.

The fifth boat arrived carrying two identical looking bears, the only difference being their outfits, one them wearing a red shirt and green pants and another wearing pink overalls with a white shirt. They jumped off the boat, excited.

"Here we are Sis, Pakhitew Island! Just like I told you about" The older bear told his sister.

"Wow!" She stared at awe, "I've never seen an island so beautiful before!"

"Well, now you have" The host interrupted, "Brother, Sister of the Berenstain Bear family. Got your mother's memo of things to be watchful for." Chris said, holding an excessively long list of things Mama Bear wrote to tell him about the things they need to be careful for.

"Thank you sir!" Sister chirped. "Yeah, thanks!" Brother added and they run to the dock to meet the others.

Cringing at their overly-sweet expression, Chris thought to himself, *Those kids are going to give our audience a first grade case of diabetes*

Before he could continue grumbling about how those bears were too 'sweet' for this show, he was stopped by the soft growling of a dog.

"Hank, welcome to Pakhitew Island!" Chris turned to greet the canine from the west. Hank looked at the people he would have to share his new home with.

Then he cocked his eyes to see the place he was going to stay at for the next eight weeks. Finally, he stared at the host

After a while, He went to join the others at the dock.

The Journal of Hank the Cowdog: Introduction

It's me again, Hank the Cowdog. Ever had one of those moments where you think you know what you're getting into; but then it turns out to be completely different than what you expect?

Well that's exactly what I've discovered. I heard that Slim said that it would be a good way to show off my chicken tending talents, and to get out more. Now I like Slim and all, but I wouldn't be lying if I said that statement is so far off second base it isn't funny.

Drover told me that I could end becoming more famous than Lassie or Old Yeller. Don't ask where he got those names from, I still don't know them even to this day.

As for me? I just want to get this over with and see what it was all about. Turns out that it's both a summer vacation AND a glorified reality show, a double whammy of let downs.

But nonetheless, I will try to adapt to this new enviroment. So, every week, I will be giving you my two cents on everything that went on during the week.

Until then, I'll be hanging out with the black, yellow and blue catcus and the incredibly rich feline.

See you on the trail, Hank

(We Now Return You to your Story)

The next boat came in, Inside popped out a mouse with a pink bow and blue dress. Timid, shy and a bit confused as much as anyone else.

"Everyone, this is Babymouse!" Chris announced to everyone. Quietly, Babymouse waddled to see the others. Surprisingly enough, everyone seemed to be entranced at the small mouse.

"OMG, She's so cute!" Nikki gushed.

"Aw...." Sister squealed.

"Oh she looks so sweet, I could just eat her up!" Ms. Frizzle chirped.

"Well I'll be..." Hank smiled to himself.

The sweet bliss wouldn't last though, Felicia gave out a toothful smile and looked at her. "Oh look, if it isn't the little twerp!"

"Ok, whoever said that; Please behave yourself" Chris stated as he helped Babymouse down from the ship. "I want the drama to start a​fter everyone gets here"​ Babymouse slowly walked through to the dock as everyone gave a dirty look towards Felicia.

"What?" She asked, dumbfounded. "It's true!" It did nothing to handle the glares she got. Feeling pity for Babymouse, Ms. Frizzle took her aside and asked her.

"Do you put up with this every day?"  She thought for a moment, and then; a tiny voice erked out "Yeah. It's best to get used to it after awhile."

"You mean, you don't mind getting cruelly teased by a cat?" A skeptical Brother Bear questioned, Babymouse quickly glanced at Felicia: who was terrifying the living crap out of Nate. "It's the law of the animal chain...I guess"

Ms. Frizzle put a comforting hand onto Babymouse, assuring that things would be alright. "Everyone has their ferocious felines they don't want to face"

"You can say that again." Frizzle and Babymouse turned to an alert Nikki. Curious, Babymouse asked, "What do you mean?"

"Ok, see that Felicia person over there?" Nikki pointed at the cat, who by now was clawing Nate's face in. Babymouse nodded, "Multiply that times a thousand. Trust me girl, This is just child's play to who I have to deal with every stinkin' day of the year!" Nikki told her.

"Who is this girl?" Babymouse questioned, "Her name...." She started, "is MacKenzie Hollister...."

Nikki shuddered, just the thought of hearing her name made her queasy. Still feeling a bit unsure, Ms. Frizzle decided to ask (in her own silly little way): "Hm, Now I wonder who exactly this MacKenzie person is?"

"Only the meanest, cruelest, twisted, most wicked witch in all of Westchester County Day! That's who!" Nikki exclaimed, "No wait; calling her mean is just an understatement. She's a...." Nikki tried to come up with the best way to sum her up with one sentence or less without using any expletives.

Eventually, she figured it out. "A snake with diamond earings and hair extensions!" Ms. Frizzle and Babymouse looked on in surprise, she was made out to be so low on the totem pole that not even a snake would want to be around her.

Still unconvinced, Babymouse decided to ask one more question. "Wow, is she really that bad?" "Oh trust me sister." She smirked, "She's-"

"HELLO WORLD!" A booming voice emerged from the boat. "MACKENZIE HOLLISTER HAS ARRIVED!" Nikki looked on in sheer horror and disgust that she had somehow made it onto this show. "Oh no...." She groaned.

"And here you have the major favorite to actually it all, MacKenzie!" Chris declared, abit more excited than usual. "Oh Chris, you flatter me." She giggled as the blonde hair girl walked off the boat, immediately; she flipped her hair and smiled coy at everyone on the island.

This captured the attention of Nate and Hank the Cowdog, whose jaws dropped at sheer awe knowing that there was someone who looked so....well...stunning!

Babymouse looked at Nikki and for the umpeeneth time asked her a question, "Is this the girl you warned us about?" Nikki nodded, still in disbelief as to how she got on the show. "Can we see if she's really that bad?"

"See for yourself." She grumbled to herself, The teacher and mouse looked at each other and decided to check out the newest arrival to the competition.

MacKenzie had already sashayed her way to the dock next to Felicia when Ms. Frizzle ran in with a extremely happy smile on her face. "Hello there traveller!" She smiled, getting in her face, much to MacKenzie's annoyance. "Looks as if we'll be your new partners for the next eight weeks! Isn't that exciting?"

"Yeah, i'm like; so excited!" MacKenzie said with a sarcastic taste. "I'm also excited for the moment when you get your face out of mine!, It's totally, like, interferring with my 'chienne personnifié' perfume smell!"

Ms. Frizzle took the hint and got out, not exactly what just hit her. "Something tells me this isn't going to go as well as I thought", Felicia; having watched the whole charade just smiled at her and said. "I like your style" And MacKenzie smiled back at her.

Chris just smiled at the job well done MacKenzie was doing making ratings skyrocket from nowhere. Until (once again) he was interupted by the weirdest thing he had ever heard......

"TRA-LA-LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" A voice cried out as a man only dressed in underwear and a cape was holding onto two boys, one black and one white. As the weirdo almost bald who was only wearing underwear started to levitate down to the boardwalk; everyone looked on in sheer confusion, horror and just plain shock.

"This, is Captain Underpants. And his creators, George Beard and Harold Hutchins" Chris introduced to the rest. "George being the one with the tie and the flat-top and Harold being the one with the T-Shirt and the bad haircut. Remember that now"

And so, George and Harold ran off to join the others. Chris stopped to talk to Captain Underpants for a moment. "Listen dude," He informed. "I don't care if your wearing just underwear and a washcloth around your neck; just try to go creepin' round the younger contestants. I don't want anyone to think we have a creepy old man on deck"

"Will do good sir" The heroic man in boxers proclaimed and he joined the rest at the dock, everyone stayed far away from him.

The next boat came out and this time, it contained a guy who looked like a weird combination of a rat and a vole. Much to the happiness of Babymouse. "The Wilster! Welcome!" Chris hi-fived the weasel. "Please; call me Wilson." He informed him. "Probably won't!" Chris smirked, patting him on the back.

Wilson went to the docks, as he walked; he thought to himself *At least he's honest* He stopped next to Babymouse. "Hi Babymouse." He smiled.

"Hi Wilson." She grinned, Felicia just rolled her eyes in disgust.

The seventh (or eighth, I think) boat strolled through the stream and welcomed aboard a black man with a buzzcut and a red shirt.

"Teddy; the potential next Geoff!" Chris proclaimed, "Yo, Chris! What's up?" Teddy said as he fist bumped Chris. "A bird or two perhaps." Chris joked, the two looked at each other....and then proceeded to laugh it off, Teddy went on to the dock.

"Oh, my brother!" Nate smiled as he and Teddy high-fived, "I knew you would make it!"

"Of course, can't let a brother down!" Teddy smiled; But suddenly, he turned down-hearted after realizing someone else wasn't going to make it.

"What's up man?" Nate asked his friend. "I just remembered." Teddy said, sadly. "Francis isn't coming." Again, Nate's spirits were crushed into pieces.

"He was able to find a replacement though." Teddy mentioned, trying to brighten up the mood. "Really? Who?" Nate asked, curious as to see who Francis chose to replace him.

Teddy stood for a second, afraid to tell him who replaced their own friend. He coughed on his shoulder so he could drown out the name of who replaced him.

"Who?" Nate asked, Teddy decided to just tell him up-front. "Someone who's probably going to make your summer a lot worse than it already is."

Again, the spirits of Nate dampened, Fearing that he knew who the mystery person was. "Let me guess, Ellen?"

"Nope. Worse than that" Teddy grimmly shrugged as the next boat came across Pakhitew Island. Nate took a closer look at the boat and who was inside the boat. A pony-tailed blonde with glasses and pink sweater-vest.

Immediatley, he realized the horrible truth. As his by now nonexistant spirits went into new lows. "Oh god no...." He grumbled to himself.

"Everyone, this is Gina." Chris stated. "Gina, this is everyone." The newest arrival smiled, "How intriguing." She said, looking at her new enviroment. "The exquiset scenery of topiary and the lush blue water totally compensates for the fact that Pakhitew is infact, the Cree word for explosion. Thus, we have a 99.99% chance that we may end up being annahilated or worse, destroyed in a mere matter of seconds. Presumably 0.6666666 seconds after someone were to accidentally hit a bomb and it went off and-"

"Ok, we get the point; You're smart! Now, go join the others." Chris said, Having enough of Gina forcing her intelligance onto Chris. Visibly annoyed that Chris had interuppted her in the middle of her trying to educate the unwashed masses, she shook it off and went to the dock.

"Why hello." She greeted. "You must be the others....and Nate. It's really nice to meet you all, and Nate."

"Yeah, yeah; shut up...." Nate muttered. "I take it that you were not expecting me to arrive on such a strange and unusual habitat" Gina stated. "Would you say that you were flabbergasted or perhaps bewildered?"

"How about you say that you're the cure for my isonmia?" He growled. He waited for Gina to reply; but instead of what he expected, she just smiled and said. "Normally Nathaniel, this would be the time I would lose my temper and lay it onto you; but recently, I have been watching meditation videos by Miss Keliah. They have effectivally put my once burning temper into something productive"

"So," pbbbfffttt. Gina smiled at her, after having blowing a raspberry in Nate's face. By that time, Nate looked like he could use some of Miss Keliah's meditation videos himself.

To settle things down, the next boat arrived carrying a boy and a girl; both somewhere around their pre-teens. "Jack, Annie. The Paigeturners, welcome to your new homes!" Chris smiled.

Both siblings took a look at the island of explosive explosions. "Why did Merlin ask for us to go there again?" Annie asked her brother, "That is something I wish I knew for sure." He shrugged and they went off to the dock.

"Ok, that makes about seventeen-" Or at least Chris thought it was seventeen as who should arrive but another boat with two MORE girls on it, abit the other being more girly than the other."

"Scratch that, make that nineteen. Everyone; here are-" If this is becoming a pattern; then don't be surprised. But Chris was interuppted again by a very jubial Nikki. "OMG, Chloe! Zoey! You made it!" She squealed. "Darn right we did!" Zoey chirped, "All for one and one for all!" Chloe added and the three group-hugged. Making MacKenzie gag and forcing Gina to restrain Ms. Frizzle from joining in this hugging session.

*Oh god* Our sadistic host thought, *It's like Katie and Sadie and Sierra got together to discuss business meetings* As all three girls happily ran to the dock, boat number who the heck's even counting anymore came onto the dock.

This time, it held two boys looking awfully familiar to Ridonculous Race competitors Chet and Lorenzo. The only difference being Greg's hair. "Greg, Rowley-" As Rowley heard his name, he hugged him as tight as he could possibly could. "OH MY GOSH, WE'RE ON TOTAL DRAMA!" Rowley squealed in excitement, "Yes, I know Rowley" Greg huffed in annoyance. "Now put him down!"

Realizing that he would need air to breath, he put Chris down. "Sorry, dude." Rowley apologized. "I'm just so excited to BE here!"

"I can imagine..." Chris groaned to himself while thinking of some very unfriendly words. "Sorry, again." Greg told Chris as the two walked off to the dock.

As the last boat entered the dock, Chris could only think about what abomination he was going to have to deal with for the next eight weeks. He knew how bad The Berenstain Cubs, Captain Underpants and at least half of the people that actually made it to the show were. But god help him if this next boat contained the worst one of them all.

He waited, for a sound; for a noise, for anything. Until finally, he heard a soft, raspy voice squeak out. "So, uh; is this the place?" He opened his eyes and turned to actually normal looking guy, dirty blonde hair, decent physique, a face girls would love to look at for a long time and an all-american smile. At long last; Chris had found someone who would put SOME common sense on this show!

"What are you waiting for fresh meat?" The chef bellowed out, his patience run out. "HUP TWO, HUP TWO!" Startled by this outburst, Brandon ran onto to the dock to catch up with the other twenty-one contestants. At least; that's what he hoped to do, until...

He accidentally bumped into Nikki. What happened there could only be described with the words 'weird', 'rambled' and all in all just plain 'awkward' as they looked into each others eyes, and then turned away and blushed.

"Ok, now if THAT'S done; i'll give you a few to get to know each other better" Chris smiled, and for the first time in the season; there was peace......

For about five seconds, "Time's up, let's get going people; we're on a tight schedule!" Chris shouted. Everyone groaned; Another season of Total Drama had officially begun, and from there on, it was going to be all downhill.

After seemed like forever; the twenty-two hopefuls made it to the main lodge where Chef and Don were first introduced. "Here, You must abide yourself to put away your differences, make the best impact you can for your team and above all give us the some juicy drama. If your team loses, you go to our beloved campfire for elimination where, Don here will send one of you packing their bags and leaving this show for good" Chris told them.

"Now, for your teams. As randomized by our good friend, Total Drama and Ridonculous Race contestant; Noah!" The bookworm came out with a huge lottery ball machine, which contained twenty-two balls; all with a different contestant's face. Needless to say; it gave him a pain in his back.

"When I said that they were going to bring us back for another season, I didn't mean like this...." He muttered in anger, which Chris heard.

"Yeah, because last time we did that; it gave us the lowest ratings ever!" Chris growled, apparently still not over his failed attempt to create an All-Star season.

Noah rolled his eyes and pushed the button to let the balls free. As they jumped in around like mexican jumping beans; the contestants all looked on feeling mixed emotions as to who they will be teaming up for the season.

Finally; after what seemed like forever, the first twelve balls dropped from the left-ward side and Chris went on to read them. "If I call your name, stand onto this yellow mat. Nikki...Frizzle...Brandon...Jack...Brother...Greg...Rowley...Felicia...Gina...Nate and MacKenzie! From now, you are known as The Superb Story Tellers!" Chris threw a yellow roll to Greg to reveal a yellow book.

"How sublime!" Gina squealed. Nate just looked on in disgust, knowing that he was going to be stuck with his mortal enemy for the whole game.

"As for the rest of you, please stand on this blue mat..."Harold...Teddy...Chloe...Annie...Sister...Zoey...Babymouse...Wilson...George...Hank...and that creepy old bald guy with the underwear! You are here by known only as, The Illuminating Illustrators!" He threw a roll to Annie to reveal a blue pen.

"This team gets us already...." Harold smiled. "Yeah..." George grinned.

"Now, here's the deal. Storytellers get left cabin, Illustrators get right. And in case if any asks; Boys get one side, girls get the other." Chris said.

Chris: *Conf* Oh yeah, one more thing. Feel free to use our outhouse to unload any dirty laundry you want to get out.

Nikki: *Conf* Great...just great. Not only am I not on a team with my BFFs, i'm on a team with MacKenzie, MACKENZIE! *sighs in frustration* At least Brandon's on the same team with me.. *gets a rather lovey dovey like smile of her face, but she soon realizes that the camera is watching her every move; she sheepishly smiles and blushes*

Brother and Sister: *Conf* (Brother) Don't you worry Mama Bear! (Sister) One of us is coming home with a million dollars, so we can give it all to charity!

Rowley: *Conf* *Serious face on him* Hey everyone, Listen up. I have something very important to say.....*about to say what it is, but unfortunately; he can't remember!* Dang it...what was it again?

Captain Underpants: *Conf* *Apparently, the Captain has mistaken the word outhouse for bathroom as we see his face only as he is apparently taking a dump; he smiles and winks at the camera*

Later that day, the contestants all got to their cabins. At the Storytellers side, things were beginning to heat up faster than you can say, "Who gets to sleep with MacKenzie?"

"As honorary team captain," Gina started. "I believe that I should have the privilege of choosing which person gets to sleep with MacKenzie Hollister" Pointing at MacKenzie smiling at herself in the mirror.

"You?" Felicia blurted out. "I'm sorry, but who died and made YOU our team captain?"

"Well, as the most intelligent human-being out of all of us women; and the one with the most experience in leadership, It is only fitting that I be your team captain for this team" Gina informed Felicia, who barely paid attention to her anyway.

"That's cute princess, but I have my own way of choosing who sleeps with who" The cat smirked as she got a water balloon and proceeded to choose her victim for MacKenzie.

Finally, after taking her precious time. She threw the balloon; and can you guess which one she hit?....SPLAT!

A drenched Nikki looked at Felicia in disbelief as she and MacKenzie laughed at her, "Well hon," MacKenzie giggled. "Looks like you're all mine for the season! Oh and BTW; you might wanna dry up, You look and smell like a wet dog!"

Nikki growled at the two mean girls (or is it; one mean girl and one mean cat?) as she dried herself off. Ms. Frizzle looked at her in pity as she watched the sopping wet girl dry off.

"Are you starting to see why I hate her guts?" Nikki asked Ms. Frizzle. "Hate is a strong word," Ms. Frizzle said. "But I can understand why you seem to have issues with this MacKenzie fellow."

Ms. Frizzle: *Conf* As a teacher, It is my duty to seek out a solution to a problem that needs to be fixing. Hopefully, I can do whatever to help Nikki with her *thinks of a more tame word than conflict* problem with MacKenzie.

Now that MacKenzie had got her own bunk buddy; there was one more question...where am I supposed to sleep?

"Who wants to pick straws?" Ms. Frizzle cheered. And grabbed a jar containing four straws. "Shorties get the top and longies get bottom!" Felicia looked at the teacher in disgust. "Uh, no. There is no way I am playing a game made for preschoolers!"

"Oh nonsense!" Ms. Frizzle chuckled. "It's a lot of fun! Here, let me help you out!" And she put Felicia's left hand in the jar so that she could get looking for a straw to choose from. Each girl took a straw.

"Got a short stick" Gina said.

"Oh goody! I got a long stick!" Ms. Frizzle smiled. "And what did you get Felicia?" Felicia grumbled in embarassment, but in the end she showed them her stick.

"Well done Felicia!" Ms. Frizzle cried. "You got the longest stick out of all, I guess that means we're bunk mates!"

"Whoopee" Felicia said sarcastically. "I'm so lucky to be stuck with you.

"Well, I wouldn't say stuck, more like chosen to spend time with!" Ms. Frizzle chuckled as she hugged her new bunk buddy. "Oh, we're going to have so much fun together bunk buddy!" And she listed off all the fun things they would be able to do together. And all the while, Felicia grinded her teeth in rage.

Felicia: *conf* *angry* Someone shoot me....

In the guys section, things were a lot more relaxed. Much to the disappointment of Chris.

"So, I hear your a pretty big catch at Westchester eh?" Nate smirked.

"Well, I wouldn't say that..." Brandon smiled. "But I guess a few choice girls seem to have it in for me"

"You kidding?" Nate chuckled. "With a look like that, you could be like; a total babe magnet!"

"No thank you" Brandon laughed. "I've seen what happened to Justin Beiber to know that I'm comfortable staying...well, sane!"

Deciding to be cool, Greg decided to butt into this conversation by adding his two cents in. "Is that the sound of us grown men talking about babes I hear?"

"Thank you Captain Obvious for pointing that one out" Nate rolled his eyes.

"Hey, i'm just saying" Greg put on his most confident smile. Much to the utter confusion of Nate and Brandon. "Now, are there any other hot chicks I should know about in this camp?"

"Don't push it" Nate sneered, obviously knowing that Greg was trying to copy off of him. "But since we're on the topic hot babes. I would like to point out that, hot DANG; MacKenzie. She's gotta be up there with Femme Fatale and Red Sonja as one of the hottest women i've ever seen"

"I wouldn't go THAT far. But i'd say she's about a 8.5 on the Greg-O-Meter" Greg said.

Nate: *conf* There's a babe meter to rate all the girls?! *facepalms* God, I need to step up my game...

"Say, Jackster!" Nate called out to Jack who was reading a book on Medieval history. "Who do you like the most?"

"You mean other than my sister?" Jack asked. This gave him some dirty looks from all the men in the cabin. "Dude. Please tell you are kidding" Nate said in a serious matter.

"I mean like a brother and sister type!" Jack exclaimed. A moment of silence occured.....

And everyone laughed it off. From there on, everyone in the boys side talked about which girl they liked the most. Jack said Gina, Greg chose MacKenzie, Rowley picked Zoey and Brother said that he was saving romance until he was eighteen, because that's when Mama said 'all virgins go to get Lays' or some strange shiz.

When it was all said and done, only Brandon remained. "Well lover's boy. Who you gonna pick?" Nate asked the dirty blonde. Brandon thought for a good long while. "What's up man? You chicken or something?" Greg playfully teased. Brandon rolled his eyes; and came out with it.

"I'd guess I would say Nikki"

"Nikki?" Greg asked, skeptically. "Seriously? THAT'S who we're going for? Listen, don't get me wrong; I'd agree on the averageness thing; but that's just it, She's just six point nine tenths on the Greg-O-Meter. Basically, that means she's just....average"

"It's a long story" Brandon blushed in embarrassment. "You might want to sit down" It looked as if they were going to listen to Brandon tell the story of how Nikki and Brandon became the best of friends. All the laughs they've shared, all the adventures they had and all the good times they've have in general.

And that's exactly what he did.

On the girl's side of the Illustrators cabin, they were already celebrating the good life. Chloe and Zoey had decided to have a friendly little pillow fight to embrace the joys of being in Pakhitew Island.

It caught on real fast. "OMG, Isn't this like; the best?" Chloe giggled.

"Yeah!" Annie laughed, "I'm so glad Merlin gave me and my brother permission to let us do this show!"

"Wait, you mean THE Merlin?" Chloe asked, all ears. "The Merlin as in, the WIZARD named Merlin?"

And there, Annie stopped in her tracks. She remembered something she had promised to someone a long time ago; Sometime so important, so secret, that no man should ever be allowed to here. "No, I mean; Merlin Monroe! The twin cousin of Marilyn Monroe; Yeah, that's it!" Annie smiled nervously to keep the secret low and steady.

Chloe and Zoey just stood there dumbfounded. After a while, Chloe just said, "O....k, whatever you say Annie!"

"Come friends, the night is still young!" Zoey proclaimed. "So, in the meantime. Whose up for another round of Pillow Fight Gladiators?"

"You're on girlfriend!" Chloe squealed.

Annie joined in too, but she couldn't help but notice how close she was to breaking that secret.

Annie: *conf* *sighing in relief* That was close.

At the boys side of the Illustrators cabin. It was a lot less fun, not with Hank the Cowdog running the show at least.

"Alright boys. As sheriff of this here cabin," Hank started. "It is my responsibility to keep you all in line. The one thing I do not want is a bunch of people running around with there heads missing." Hank glared at Teddy, George and Harold knowing that they would be likely to make a wise pun on his behalf.

"Now, Let me decide on all of your bunking seats" Hank took a look at all the boys in the cabin and he took a random roll for them.

"Flap-top, Haircut; you get first beds" The two comic cracking fools high fived each other knowing that they would be able to make comics during the show.

"Weasel, you get me" Hank demanded. Wilson shrugged, knowing that it could be worse.

"Aw come on!" Teddy complained. "Why do I have to hang with the weirdo old guy?"

"Sorry Teddy, but as sheriff; all rulings are final" Hank laid down the law.

Captain Underpants smiled at Teddy as he picked his ear with the wrong side of the plunger; Teddy just groaned.

Hank the Cowdog: *conf* I know it may seem harsh, but as a head of ranch security back at home; I had to maintain my role as the alpha-leader of my team.

"Ok dudes and dudettes" The main speakerphone spoke. "Time to get some shut eye, you'll need it for your first challenge!"

"I wonder what they'll make us do?" Wilson asked Hank.

"From what I know, The first challenge, is always the easiest" Hank reassured him.

Unfortunately; what they woke up this morning, they saw what had to be the most horrible, terrible, disastrous sight they had ever seen. On the top of the hill; the campers, Chris and Don stood holding two sticks, one for the Illustrators and the other for the Storytellers. Below them was a forest full of angry bees, grumpy grizzly bears and mines, mines everywhere. Then a cave, a dark treacherous cave with little air, almost no light and bats looking for their next meal. And to top it all off, a fire walking sight that was legitimately on fire. Flames as far as the eye can see.

"Well, you can't always be right" Hank said, sheepishly to a rather peeved Wilson.

Chris: *conf* This, is gonna be one amazing season! *chuckles* Too bad we ran out of time to finish the episode. Ah well, I guess we could always air the rest of the footage tomorrow, like we did for the first few seasons.....But what fun would that- *time's up fool*

Episode 2: Once Upon A Total Drama (Part 2)

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